Big news…gifted folks are intense.
I use the word folks because gifted kids grow up to be gifted adults and guess what?
Giftedness is terminal. You never outgrow it!
Do you like my his and her cups? I am a nerd, I married a nerd and I parent two nerds.
I <3 nerds!
But living together !?
Noisy, intense and fun!
Many people (parents, siblings, teachers and classmates) have a rough time knowing how to handle the intense emotions of gifted children and adults. Gifted folks can be like a dog with a bone when they are stuck on their opinion or idea of something. They hate it when folks don’t agree with them or someone tells them they might be mistaken. They want to be right! They hate to make mistakes and can take criticism (even constructive, guided and couched) very badly.
They are a conundrum. They may be the first to point out others’ mistakes or shortcoming, but at the same time, they are sensitive and get their feelings hurt easily. They can be very candid with their opinions and when called out, often respond with “But, it’s true!” Then appear to be clueless when others get mad at them and call them annoying or rude.
I read this article today and thought it could really help gifted folks- young and old alike: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2011/11/7-steps-to-develop-awareness-of-your-feelings-and-thoughts/
Here is a site that is excellent: 50 Essential Links for the Parents of Gifted Children- http://oedb.org/library/beginning-online-learning/50-essential-links-for-the-parents-of-gifted-children
Some ideas on self- talk:
“Very simply, you want to become aware of what you tell yourself inside so that you—rather than your emotions—direct your choices. Your happiness depends on it. This is critical because your thoughts activate emotion-driven processes within you. That’s right, even painful ones. Your thoughts, and the underlying beliefs that drive them, automatically trigger emotions.”
Profound. What we think makes it so. We choose to be angry or neutral depending on what we THINK about an event that happened. For example, we say hello to someone and they don’t respond. We can think, “No biggie! They probably didn’t hear me.” OR “What a jerk! She is probably mad at me for something and is ignoring me.”
How about this one:
“Remind yourself you are not your emotions. You are the observer of your emotions. Emotions are energy, and what you are feeling are pockets of intensely charged energy, linked to past wounds.”
I find, too often we react to situations in a particular way because it reminds us of previous experiences. Perhaps, that experience didn’t go well. However, we need to recall that this moment is a new experience and we cannot predict it will go the same way. Especially if we respond differently to what is happening.
Visit the link to see the Seven Steps to Develop Awareness of Emotions and Thoughts.
Good stuff. As a young person, I found opinionated people abrasive. As an adult, I LOVE opinionated people. I recognize their passion and intensity. I am interested in their point of view, especially when they can defend their position in an informed and well-thought manner.
Also visit the section of this website on the social and emotional needs of gifted people.